So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize