OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize