Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
