it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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