Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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