I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
