I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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