I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
