I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
