Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
