Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
