Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Terrible idea I love it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
