if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
