I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I stole a fireplace last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize