just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
