so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
