I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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