i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
