I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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