Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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