Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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