He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
