I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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