Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
