when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
