You just made me feel so damn special
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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