farters have to be the big spoon...
it hurts more in the daytime
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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