i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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