Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
