I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
