Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
