So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
