there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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