There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
