My liver just broke up with me...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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