You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
