ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
