The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
