Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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