dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
