she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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