he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
