I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
