he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize