We won't sleep together?
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
