worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
