You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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