ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
