I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
