Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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