Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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