So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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