Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
