How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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