I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
