is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
