i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
