They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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