That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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