i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
