i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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