I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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