We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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