You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
