We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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