she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
