I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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