I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
