I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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