Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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