Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
