This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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