why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
