I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
