is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize