I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
