So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
