Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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