I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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