Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
