Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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