I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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