I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
