So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
