I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
