I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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