is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
