Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
