the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
