You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
