i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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