Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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