he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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