at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
