I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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