last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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