Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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