I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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