i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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