my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
