I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
