I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize