I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
