my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
